he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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