you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
