DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
