i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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