I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
