I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
