you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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