I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My pussy is not your playground.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Boobs speak an international language.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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