Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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