So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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