Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
