went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
