i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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