come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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