Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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