Christians are straight up FREAKS
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
