I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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