Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
