R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
