I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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