I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
