My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
