I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
only if we run a train.
done.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
