I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
