Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
