I can text with my tongue
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
