Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
