went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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