i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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