So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
