JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
