she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
