I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
