you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
