So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
