She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
