i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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