Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
