kristin has been a bad kristin
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
