when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
