They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
