i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
