i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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