I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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