I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
