so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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