i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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