It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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