I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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