Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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