People with herpes should wear stickers.
honey bunches of taint.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
