He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
