Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
