Screwed.edu
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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