How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
